When I was growing up, adults would ask me what I wanted to be when I got older, but there came a time when I began to question even more who I was right now. This is the question that is the challenge to answer.
I am a combination of cultures. I am neither, I am both. I’m the one who cherishes my early memories of growing up in my “homeland”, yet clearly feels the reality of my life in the place where I am a “foreigner”. I am the one who desperately desires to fit in purely for the novelty of what it feels like, for once to be one who doesn’t awkwardly stick out, yet understands how to deal with the nuances of many cultures. I am the one who searches for the right clothes to look just right, yet feels most comfortable in my native garb. I am the one who hates answering questions about where “I’m from”, yet desires more than anything to have someone understand what it is like.
I am the one who has spent more time flying than driving, speaks to many languages to count on one hand, yet cant spell in any. I am the one who promises to write but never does because its too difficult to deal with the reality of separation, and has said goodbye so many times, all the feeling from the words are lost. I am the one who has lived everywhere, yet has no home.
I am the one who knows the world abroad, of life and death, heaven and hell, I have seen God work miracles, and seen him let things pass. I have seen the beauty of His creation across many continents, and the destruction his creation has caused to it, and each other. I am the one who knows without a doubt God will provide, yet so often finds it difficult to pray.
I am the one who has learned to live with an unstable government and the one waiting by a phone impatiently for news that everything is ok. I am the one who understands the unfairness of life as a woman, and the injustices seen by so many. I am the one who spends only 3 months of the year with my family, yet knows without a doubt how much I love them.
I am the one who wears a thousand masks, one for each day and time. I am the one who can be all that is expected of me, yet has no idea who I really am; save for one thing.
I am an MK, and will be forever.
Yes
"Are you American"
"Yes"
"Arab"
"Yes"
"Really American?"
"No...not quite"
"Really Arab"
"Well, actually, you see..."
But i woudl rather say
Yes
Not neither-nor
Not maybe
but both, and not only
The homes I've had,
the ways I am,
I'd rather say it twice,
Yes.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
On days like today,
On Days like today when the sun is shining, and the sky is bright, and the world is filled with the energy of things waiting to happen. I think of all the things i could do.
I could:
Matthew 25, the whole thing.
I could:
- Go swimming in a lake or stream
- Play Frisbee
- Fly a kite, something i have never done.
- Learn to surf
- Go to the beach
- Play Volleyball
- Play ANY sport
- Wash a car
- Go horse back riding
- Plant some flowers
- Climb a tree
- Go for a bike ride
- Go white water rafting
- Go hiking
- Sat and watch the world unfold.
- Impacted someones life
- Made someone smile
- Told someone about Jesus
Matthew 25, the whole thing.
This is why i Love the Rain.
Monday morning it was raining. Not a heavy rain, just a light drizzle. It was nice.
- Waking up in a nice warm bed and opening the window to the cool breeze, and the smell of rain.
- Riding my bike to work i got to feel the freshness blow onto my face in little droplets.
- As i walked out of work after the rain, all the little snails had come out and were wandering around the sidewalk. I know not normally the most loved form of nature, but i think they are cute with their big eyes and swirly shells.
- The smell of rain, before, during and after. From a pungent sweet smell, to a cool hard smell, to a clean, earthy smell. I love after the rain, when the smells of the earth is just everywhere and it feels like its revived and ready to grow.
- The clouds cradling the buildings in their enveloping cradles. On my way to bio on the roof of SH, i felt like safe and protected by the clouds all around. All you could see was the trees below.
- Everything now looks clean and fresh. The sky is now bright and clear, the ground is now filling with fresh growth.
- It reminds me of when i was young in Washington. Of all the days me and my sister would play, and dance in the rain. Walking back from school absolutely drenched, the smell of our yard after the torrents. Splashing through the puddles in my Dads boots to go feed our animals.
- It reminds me of Yemen, of the Monsoon seasons once a year, August. Always right around my birthday when every day was bright and sunny until 2:30, when on the dot the rain would poor. The warm, sweet rain that would come and wash all the dust out of the sky and off the buildings. When i used to go up on the roof and enjoy the full force of the huge drops splatter all around me.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
This quarter it seems to be impossible for me to go a week without loosing something. Every day there is something new. I'm not talking...somewhere in my room. Its...somewhere on campus, maybe even off. Let me just give you all a list.
- Phone - Found in Kevin's Truck
- Phone - Found at my Work
- GPS thing - Someone returned it to the Police station.
- Bike -Found in Mesa Court
- Debit Card - Found tucked in a book in my desk
- Wallet - Found lying on the basket ball Court.
- Phone -Again on the floor of Kevin's Truck (i'm never riding in it again, bad things always happen)
- ID card - Found by my friends in Pipin, only to try and get it back later and find it GONE. Searched all the places it could have been taken and still no luck. I'm going in a few minuets to get a new one. Kinda frustrating.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Room Mates
Last night as i was laying in bed having a hard time falling asleep, my mind began wandering to my past. Of all the people that have composed different roles in my life. There was one category that really stood out in my mind as one that was really important, and has dictated who i have become now. These are my past room mates, and believe me, I've had quite a few. So the following is a list of all of these instrumental people in my life.
1) Esther:
What list of room mates would be complete without my Sister!!! My first, and...i have to say, my favorite. I've had awesome room mates, but there is no comparison to the sister you spent countless nights growing up with. We used to say up to ALL hours of the night...9, sometimes even 10 when we were little in Washington talking. What 5 and 6 year olds talk about i have no idea, but we talked. I would always get in trouble "laura, be quiet and go to bed". Did my mom really think i was talking to myself?? Anyways, we played games too, really weird ones, like our favorite, "bridge". Esther would pretend i was wood...and "nail" my hands and legs into our beds and crawl from one to the other, over top of me...usually ending up sitting on my head. They were good times, and even to this day its a good feeling to be in a room falling asleep knowing my sister is near by.
2)Ashley:
If i go in chronological order, my next room mate would probably be my first room mate when i moved to Kenya, and i started boarding school. Ashley was sure a wake up call to me, but was a great first room mate. We lived with each other for 2 terms after that. I must say, i learned a lot of the world from her. My most educating teacher, and its due to her that i owe my unnatural fear of mirrors in the dark to. On account of her bloody marry attempts in our room, as well as other satanic practices. She was a good friend, it was sad to see her expelled from my school in 10th grade.
3)Jamie:
I think Jamie was the room mate that it was hardest for me to get along with. She was just one of those girls that it was really hard to get along with in general, let alone live with her. She wasn't very considerate of others, and the hardest thing i think to live with was the music while we slept. I can still remember falling asleep to Tim McGraw on repeat, it's a good thing i liked country. Oh, she also woke up at 5:00 every morning and spent 2 hours getting ready...which involved a lot of noise...something i sadly have issues with. However we managed to mend our bad room situation during field hockey season. We both played defense that year, and she would sing Spanish songs to me as we waited for some action.
4)Marit:
My second satanic room mate, and she was 20 times more intense than Ashley. This girl was crazy. I remember staying up till like 4 every night having religious talks and things. She taught me a lot about the world too. I remember waking up in the middle of the night sometimes tho to her hissing around her pierced tongue. She would always play with it, which was kinda sick, but whatever. Marit was a CRAZY girl, so unique and exceptional. She was one of my best friends that year tho, we taught each other a lot, and we are still in contact. She left at the end of our 10th grade too, not expelled, but pretty close. She moved to Norway w
here now she lives happily...a Christian.
5)Miriam:
Miriam was about the biggest jump you could get from a person like Marit. Miriam was a sweet, innocent girl who knew nothing of the world outside of Malawi, where she grew up. We had some fun times together, decorating our room in bright colors, and growing together. She is the one however that ruined Phantom of the Opera Music for me tho. I loved it until i had to fall asleep listening to it for 3 months straight. Miriam and i roomed off and on over our next 2 years together.
6)Hanna:
Oh man Hanna
Smiddy!!! What an awesome girl, i love her so much, and miss her to this day. She was a fellow field hockey player, and volley ball, we took trig as an independent study together. She taught me about music, and filled my life with endless fun and joy! We would stay up for hours...her sitting in front of the mirror talking or reading out loud to me while i straightened her hair. She Loved to read out loud to me, she read me pretty much every Ted Dekker book i know, and she made them all so good!
7)Mel:
Mellap Nachumicha Murilla! Yet another AMAZING girl. She was a professional dancer in Nairobi, anything i learned, and my love of dancing...it all came from her. We would lock ourselves up in our room during study hall and practice our moves rather than work. It is also from this girl that grasped my handle on Swahili and Kenyan slang. Ehhh ehh, i miss the nights that we would talk about EVERYING, like her passion fruits vrs. my mangoes. ;) Also field hockey and volley ball player, and my favorite calc partner.
8)Erin:
Erin was my last room mate from High school and
she trumps them all. She was my best friend, and i new i could do ANYTHING with her, and be myself with her, and we had so many awesome times together. I miss her, she would read me a proverbs and a psalms ever night before we went to bed. We would dress up together, talk about music, do crafty things, we both had 7th period study hall our last term, so we had some crazy times. Always sitting on the floor, scrounging food from anywhere we could. If i wrote 2000 words about our 2 terms spent together i wouldn't be able to describe all the spectacular things we did together. She helped me plan my trip to Somalia, and went with me to Uganda. She is someone i miss every day, and one of my most precious friends. I hope i can see her again someday, and I'm sure things would feel just like old times.
9)Annie:
Annie is my latest room mate, here at UCI!!! She is absolutely fantastic. God really blessed me by giving me a room mate like her! He knew what he was doing. She is so fun, we can talk about anything. Although we are so different, we find so many similarities in our lives. Before bed every night she teaches me one word in Hindi, and i teach her one Arabic word. We can talk about everything, and even with our differences in religion, she has taught me so much, and have learned to understand each other and can openly talk about things like we are the same. I hope i still find time to hang out with her next year, she really is a special person!
These are the girls that have shaped my life. The ones who have seen me in my worst, and still love me. And i know for a fact God gave me a miracle and a blessing in each one of them. Thank you God, and thank you to these people. I love you all!
1) Esther:
What list of room mates would be complete without my Sister!!! My first, and...i have to say, my favorite. I've had awesome room mates, but there is no comparison to the sister you spent countless nights growing up with. We used to say up to ALL hours of the night...9, sometimes even 10 when we were little in Washington talking. What 5 and 6 year olds talk about i have no idea, but we talked. I would always get in trouble "laura, be quiet and go to bed". Did my mom really think i was talking to myself?? Anyways, we played games too, really weird ones, like our favorite, "bridge". Esther would pretend i was wood...and "nail" my hands and legs into our beds and crawl from one to the other, over top of me...usually ending up sitting on my head. They were good times, and even to this day its a good feeling to be in a room falling asleep knowing my sister is near by.2)Ashley:
If i go in chronological order, my next room mate would probably be my first room mate when i moved to Kenya, and i started boarding school. Ashley was sure a wake up call to me, but was a great first room mate. We lived with each other for 2 terms after that. I must say, i learned a lot of the world from her. My most educating teacher, and its due to her that i owe my unnatural fear of mirrors in the dark to. On account of her bloody marry attempts in our room, as well as other satanic practices. She was a good friend, it was sad to see her expelled from my school in 10th grade.
3)Jamie:
I think Jamie was the room mate that it was hardest for me to get along with. She was just one of those girls that it was really hard to get along with in general, let alone live with her. She wasn't very considerate of others, and the hardest thing i think to live with was the music while we slept. I can still remember falling asleep to Tim McGraw on repeat, it's a good thing i liked country. Oh, she also woke up at 5:00 every morning and spent 2 hours getting ready...which involved a lot of noise...something i sadly have issues with. However we managed to mend our bad room situation during field hockey season. We both played defense that year, and she would sing Spanish songs to me as we waited for some action.
4)Marit:
My second satanic room mate, and she was 20 times more intense than Ashley. This girl was crazy. I remember staying up till like 4 every night having religious talks and things. She taught me a lot about the world too. I remember waking up in the middle of the night sometimes tho to her hissing around her pierced tongue. She would always play with it, which was kinda sick, but whatever. Marit was a CRAZY girl, so unique and exceptional. She was one of my best friends that year tho, we taught each other a lot, and we are still in contact. She left at the end of our 10th grade too, not expelled, but pretty close. She moved to Norway w
here now she lives happily...a Christian.5)Miriam:
Miriam was about the biggest jump you could get from a person like Marit. Miriam was a sweet, innocent girl who knew nothing of the world outside of Malawi, where she grew up. We had some fun times together, decorating our room in bright colors, and growing together. She is the one however that ruined Phantom of the Opera Music for me tho. I loved it until i had to fall asleep listening to it for 3 months straight. Miriam and i roomed off and on over our next 2 years together.
6)Hanna:
Oh man Hanna
Smiddy!!! What an awesome girl, i love her so much, and miss her to this day. She was a fellow field hockey player, and volley ball, we took trig as an independent study together. She taught me about music, and filled my life with endless fun and joy! We would stay up for hours...her sitting in front of the mirror talking or reading out loud to me while i straightened her hair. She Loved to read out loud to me, she read me pretty much every Ted Dekker book i know, and she made them all so good!7)Mel:
Mellap Nachumicha Murilla! Yet another AMAZING girl. She was a professional dancer in Nairobi, anything i learned, and my love of dancing...it all came from her. We would lock ourselves up in our room during study hall and practice our moves rather than work. It is also from this girl that grasped my handle on Swahili and Kenyan slang. Ehhh ehh, i miss the nights that we would talk about EVERYING, like her passion fruits vrs. my mangoes. ;) Also field hockey and volley ball player, and my favorite calc partner.
8)Erin:
Erin was my last room mate from High school and
she trumps them all. She was my best friend, and i new i could do ANYTHING with her, and be myself with her, and we had so many awesome times together. I miss her, she would read me a proverbs and a psalms ever night before we went to bed. We would dress up together, talk about music, do crafty things, we both had 7th period study hall our last term, so we had some crazy times. Always sitting on the floor, scrounging food from anywhere we could. If i wrote 2000 words about our 2 terms spent together i wouldn't be able to describe all the spectacular things we did together. She helped me plan my trip to Somalia, and went with me to Uganda. She is someone i miss every day, and one of my most precious friends. I hope i can see her again someday, and I'm sure things would feel just like old times.9)Annie:
Annie is my latest room mate, here at UCI!!! She is absolutely fantastic. God really blessed me by giving me a room mate like her! He knew what he was doing. She is so fun, we can talk about anything. Although we are so different, we find so many similarities in our lives. Before bed every night she teaches me one word in Hindi, and i teach her one Arabic word. We can talk about everything, and even with our differences in religion, she has taught me so much, and have learned to understand each other and can openly talk about things like we are the same. I hope i still find time to hang out with her next year, she really is a special person!
These are the girls that have shaped my life. The ones who have seen me in my worst, and still love me. And i know for a fact God gave me a miracle and a blessing in each one of them. Thank you God, and thank you to these people. I love you all!
Friday, April 25, 2008
All in a Week.
A week can be used for connoting a variety of lengths of times. It can symbolize a short period, that can pass by quick, "oh its just for a week". Or it can feel like it occupies vast amounts of time, making it feel as though half of your life occurred in the past 120 hours. For me, it has definitely been the latter. Even over last weekend, as thinks continuously piled on, i felt the strain of the week already on me. So, i don't want to complain about all that i had to do this week, how many papers, how many midterms, or how many hours i spent on my 2 chem labs and 15 McWeb homeworks, cuz i know, other people have lives that are just as hard as mine, and they really don't want to hear me ramble on about how life is so difficult. And really, it wasn't. Sure i had a lot to do, and i didn't get much sleep, and i was unsure about my confidence in everything i was trying to accomplish. But, i had so many people helping me through things, helping me with all the nitty-gritty of my questions, and even just handing me the answers for ones i didn't have time for. Now...even tho i say all this, and i didn't feel outwardly stressed, i can tell i was bottling up some anxiety on the inside from the amount of sleep talking and walking i did in the past 3 days. 2 Nights in a row i went to bed before my room mate did, and both of those nights, i managed feel the need to sit on the floor and have a heart to heart with her about my humcore paper, while being totally asleep. It was nice that that one centered around school work, because Thursday night, i managed to wake her up because i was in front of a blank computer screen crying, and that was awkward for her i guess...and for me in the morning when she told me. And i guess i deserve this now, for keeping her up, and waking her up for the past 3 days in a row, but today i finally had a chance to sleep in, before the chem midterm i take in 3 hours. But...that didn't happen, when 8:00 hits i guess i got to be up now. I think this is the first time i have actually been kind of seriously perturbed at my room mate. Seriously, did she really have to type so loud, clack her calculator down on the desk so much, or print out so many pages(on the printer that is under my bed). I guess its also my fault that i am such a light sleeper...but seriously, its not something I like, if i could change it, i would. So there is my complaining for the day, which is the real thing i wanted to complain about when i started writing ...haha, tricked you all into thinking i wasn't going to at the beginning, and got you to read all the way to the end!!! Anyways...just a few short hours till the weekend is here. A weekend full of possibilities! I really want to get off campus and do something awesomely amazing! It would be nice to go to the beach, but i think first...lets make it through this chem midterm.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
1039 E!!!
My new favorite place!!! This is my soon to be HOME in Campus Village!!! WHOOO HOO!!! This is the most exciting thing EVER! After 5 year, FIVE Long years living in dorms, with like 50 other girls, i am FINALLY GETTING AN APARTMENT. Im sure everyone is excited for their first apartment of their own. To everyone its a great new experience. But this is something more to me. This has been my dream since before i can remember. The day i can organize my own living place, when i have a kitchen to myself (and my other room mates of course too, but they are awesome, so its ok, and easier to keep in line, haha), I will have a place to call my own, a living room! That i can fill with my belongings. I will have a home. Wow, a home, my first one since i was...8? Funny how my home is just a temporary living place for everyone else who lives there, but to me, its my home now. And before i am even moved in, looking at my new, beautiful apartment, i cant even begin to describe the excitement and anticipation of the joys i know are ahead of me there.Thank you God, it was hard to be patient all these years and wait for it. But now i can see why His timing is the best; because it make me appreciate His gifts even more.
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