When I was growing up, adults would ask me what I wanted to be when I got older, but there came a time when I began to question even more who I was right now. This is the question that is the challenge to answer.
I am a combination of cultures. I am neither, I am both. I’m the one who cherishes my early memories of growing up in my “homeland”, yet clearly feels the reality of my life in the place where I am a “foreigner”. I am the one who desperately desires to fit in purely for the novelty of what it feels like, for once to be one who doesn’t awkwardly stick out, yet understands how to deal with the nuances of many cultures. I am the one who searches for the right clothes to look just right, yet feels most comfortable in my native garb. I am the one who hates answering questions about where “I’m from”, yet desires more than anything to have someone understand what it is like.
I am the one who has spent more time flying than driving, speaks to many languages to count on one hand, yet cant spell in any. I am the one who promises to write but never does because its too difficult to deal with the reality of separation, and has said goodbye so many times, all the feeling from the words are lost. I am the one who has lived everywhere, yet has no home.
I am the one who knows the world abroad, of life and death, heaven and hell, I have seen God work miracles, and seen him let things pass. I have seen the beauty of His creation across many continents, and the destruction his creation has caused to it, and each other. I am the one who knows without a doubt God will provide, yet so often finds it difficult to pray.
I am the one who has learned to live with an unstable government and the one waiting by a phone impatiently for news that everything is ok. I am the one who understands the unfairness of life as a woman, and the injustices seen by so many. I am the one who spends only 3 months of the year with my family, yet knows without a doubt how much I love them.
I am the one who wears a thousand masks, one for each day and time. I am the one who can be all that is expected of me, yet has no idea who I really am; save for one thing.
I am an MK, and will be forever.
Yes
"Are you American"
"Yes"
"Arab"
"Yes"
"Really American?"
"No...not quite"
"Really Arab"
"Well, actually, you see..."
But i woudl rather say
Yes
Not neither-nor
Not maybe
but both, and not only
The homes I've had,
the ways I am,
I'd rather say it twice,
Yes.
1 comment:
Laura, thanks for letting me step inside what it must be like to share cultures like you do. I can see how it's a kind of mixed blessing - but it's so unique. Whatever God has for you to do, this background will influence that... it's for a reason. <3
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